Splish Splash and a Bar of Soap

Bath time in our house can be so silly/fun/maddening/crazy/chaotic/educational/hilarious.  Take your pick of any of those adjectives, because it usually starts with one, jumps to another and ends on something totally different.  You never know which combination will define the bath lottery on any given evening.

Two nights ago, B-man and Wee-man were sharing bath time, as they normally do.  It was going quite smoothly - neither one had hit, bit or splashed the other (or the entire floor and surrounding walls) and we were having a grand ole' time.

After a few minutes, I noticed that the water was murkier than usual, and B-man showed me why when he held up a decorative bar of soap that I usually keep in a cute little bird bath holder on the bathroom counter.  I guess he had grabbed it on his way to the tub and I hadn't noticed.

If you look at the picture below, it's the yellow bar in the back - the one that is much smaller than the others.

I didn't mind that he took it (that's what it's for right? and a boy CHOOSING soap!?!) - I told him to use it well and scrub all of his fingers and toes and whatever else he felt needed washing.  But not to get it on his face or in his eyes.  Typically I don't let them use bars of soap for this reason - they definitely don't adhere to the "no tears" claim and inevitably, someone ends up crying with soap in their eyes and the whole bathtime mood goes down the drain right then and there.

A few minutes later, I look at B-man and he is examining the bar of soap closely, and then smelling it (this particular one smells like vanilla).  Then, ever so carefully, he sticks out his tongue and touches the bar of soap with it.  Smacks his lips.  Smiles at me. 

I said, B-man, soap does not taste good, so don't eat it, okay? 

Blank stare.

Then he says, "Does Ralphie like it when he eats the soap?"

I said, "On A Christmas Story you mean?  When he gets in trouble for saying bad words?" 

B-man:  "Yeah.  What bad words did he say?"

Me: "I don't know.  But they were not nice, and his mom makes him eat soap and it does not taste good."

B-man:  "Well I think this soap will taste good, because it smells really good."

Before I could respond, Wee-man started freaking out because he had leaned back too far in the tub and accidentally went under, so I was consumed with calming him down, getting him out and drying him off.  I had sort of turned my back on B-man while doing all of this, and when I whirled back around, he had half of the bar of soap stuck in his mouth.

I said, "Oh no sweetie, that is going to taste so bad, take it out."

He took it out and stared at me for a moment.  I waited for the second freak-out once the horrible soap aftertaste hit.  Nothing happened.

I said, "Didn't that taste awful?"

He shrugged his shoulders and said, "No."

I sensed lying but said nothing.

I started to leave the bathroom to chase after Wee-man, and turned around at the door to see the funniest thing. 

B-man was furiously wiping his tongue and then gulping large amounts of bath water and swishing and spitting.  Then the freak-out started.

"MOOOOOOMMMMM!  MOOOOOMMM! AAAAAAGGGHHH!!!"

I casually walked back in (trying really hard not to laugh) and said, "What is it?"

He looked at me with an equal mix of panic and disgust and said, "It's yucky!! It tastes really bad, and this water tastes bad too, and I can't get it off! HELP ME!!"

B-man didn't realize that the water he was gulping and spitting was so laden with soap from having it in the bathtub that it was of no use for ridding his tongue of the horrible soap taste.  It would be akin to trying to lessen the effects of a jalepeno pepper by swishing with hot salsa.

After he had turned on the tap and guzzled about a gallon of water, he stepped out of the tub and said, "Poor, poor Ralphie.  I hope he got some chocolate milk after that."

I think my bars of pretty soap are safe for awhile.